I want to apologize for the previous post. It wasn’t the most productive day and it made me depressed. When things just don’t work out or feel right it messes with me.

Most of my priorities have been working on my responsibilities, taking much of my attention away from digital art. I’ve done a lot of room cleaning and it’s generally made me feel better. I hope to get more shelves for physical media and a file cabinet for my paper piles. I have a thing for drawing on card stock rather than sketch books, just feels better when drawing and erasing!

I’ll probably need to do some warm ups to get back into digital art, but when I do, I’m planning on my next piece to be a G3 styled Fluttershy! I’m actually very excited for the future now!

Hey guys, Happy New Year!

Things have been rather slow, while also being unhinged. Art has become less and less of a priority to me, and have been avoiding it for quiet some time. There just hasn't been much coming to my mind I guess. I've set up some goals for myself this year, hoping to better myself in the long run. Though I predict this year will be my downfall. I expect people to tear me up until there's nothing left of me. Maybe I won't make it through this year at all. Whatever happens happens, and it's out of my control. Hopefully, if I can control the urge to, I can abandon my media presence and be happy.

Edit: The truth is, there are things I still think about. Things I probably haven't gotten over. When you are over something, you're usually able to talk about it, but if it brings you a lot of stressful thoughts, then you probably haven't fully moved on yet. I've said this many times, but last year FUCKING SUCKED. Most of it was just getting over something that didn't exist, and even after that I was just waiting for the year to end. I lost friends, I lost my mod, I lost my excitement to create things, I'm mostly in dread of the things I share, it's not fun. I don't think I could bring back the mod due to how it was created. Plus all the other versions of that stalker girl put a lot against it. Yeah, I could create a new design, I can't imagine what that new design would be.

I'm clearly still salty about a lot of things. Hopefully things get better.

Hello Newgrounds! Yesterday I made a Google Drive file for three songs I made, but never use for anything. The FNF style Astro Boy songs! I made these on and off over the course of a few months, and once they were finished I never got around to releasing them, mostly out of fear I may use them in the future. However, I would end up uploading “Fatal Facility” here on Newgrounds, seeming like I won’t be using them anyway. I’ll probably upload the rest of the songs separately on here too in a later time.

I gather all three songs into one Google Drive, along with the instrumentals and bonus art. Some of which have seen an appearance before, but I thought it would be a nice bonus!

Link

ASTRO BOY DARK COLLECTION

Songs

THERAPY - Tenma’s Song

FATAL FACILITY - The Endoskeleton

GOD OVER KING - Shadow’s Song

Vocal Credits

Astro Boy: MA-1AJ

Dr. Tenma: Dorian Harewood

(Voice Sampled from Nature Boy)

Thanks to MA-1AJ for providing the voice of Astro Boy for these songs!

I also want to give a thanks to Dorian Harewood for being the voice of Dr. Tenma in the Astro Boy 2003 Dub! He was the best Tenma!

This is Boon. I don’t know much about him, other then he was falsely accused as a criminal in the 2003 Astro Boy series before finally clearing his name, but I do know one thing, he has a strange alluring power over people. I get the impression of a big tuff guy who’s a softy deep down and I like him.

Love and appreciate this man, Marukubi Boon.

I just want to share some doodles on here for once and not have to worry about it being a finished piece or anything. Doodles and sketches are fun and show more about the kind of artist you are.

Most of it is mainly Astro Boy, but there are some Whitty and other things here and there, so let’s roll!

I’ll start with my most recent stuff first…

Dr. Kiriko from Blackjack, he looks like a funny man. With that smug ass face and flowing long silver hair, he seems like a perfect “I run over puppies for fun” type of antagonist.

Shitty memes

Kiriko driving home thinking about Blackjack’s COCK.

Kiriko discovering Blackjack is already sucking COCK, and everyone else is there for some weird reason I don’t know.

Kunsai Skunk, his adopted son Denkou, and Hamegg who is known to have a vore fetish that sick greasy FUCK.

Lamp, Hamegg finally getting some man tiddy.

Ochan and Tenma as Cats! Designed by Mintleflower on Tumblr.

Cuddling!

Whitty and Carol being the cutest fucking couple in the whole goddamn world.

Skunk and his son Denkou for a Twist Heram idea I’ve been working! The idea is that Hamegg, Lamp, and Skunk are turned into anime girls and come from separate universes as well. Only Skunk comes from a separate universe, where as Hamegg and Lamp are from the same universe. They all end up in a different universe, and live with this boy where they all go to school as school girls and funny shit happens.

I finally have a design for the Protag but I don’t have a name for him yet. I want to make it clear that despite being a Heram NONE of the girls are attracted to this boy in anyway whatsoever. That’s gross. I call it a twist Heram because it’s not your typical heram. Instead I rather just have the protag develop a sort of friendship with these weirdos, and maybe give a sort of father figure roll with Lamp because I think it would be nice. I know I’m a big o’ softy. I should probably dedicated a blog post for my twist Heram to go into detail about stuff nobody but me cares about.

This was from an art gathering at this town where the Asian food stores are at. Here I tried to finally put a few ideas on paper. Like Astro having removable boots, and also that he starts the habit of taking his clothes off so they don’t get destroyed and Ochan has to buy him new clothes. Clothes are expensive after all.

Ochan is such a sweet pea though. I love him and I like to think Tenma moves in with him and they become make shift family. It would allow Tenma to heal, reconnect with people, form new relationships, stuff like that. In a way Ochan made that family possible without realizing it.

That’s all I’ll share for now. I’ll try to share more exclusively stuff if I don’t want to share it anywhere else for whatever reason.

I feel like here I can be myself more than I’ll usually let myself be in terms of doodles.

So yeah, I have the WORST mood swings. Thankfully I have older sisters, friends, and you guys to keep my mind from going kaput.

With that said, I do have a problem with thinking there's something wrong with me, even in places where there isn't. I wasn't aware I had ADHD until I had a convo with sister where I brought up an episode of Clone High, saying "Yeah we both have ADHD". It blew my mind, and everything started to make sense. From the medication, to switching of schools, why I had to use my headphones while watching fireworks. At that time, high school was about to end and my knowledge and understanding of autism was...POOR. My idea of it was...insulting. I thought it meant you were dumb, and couldn't think for yourself. Thankfully, I've grown out of that mindset, and have tried to educate to better understand myself and others. I'm still confused on certain things, but it's helped me make connections with people, as well as make my lil headcanons. I headcanon Dr. Tenma is on the spectrum basically.

Anyways, things have been a struggle for my family, especially this past year. My mom aside from dealing with cancer has had multiple surgeries because some dumbass didn't use tubes right or something. Thankfully it ended with a MIRACLE and my mom is fine now. My mental state has been a mess, just all over the place. I'm definitely better than I was earlier this year, but now my issues are coming from concerns about the future. Should I get a job, should I do commissions as my job, should I go back to education for 3D modeling, those type of things. I'm trying to figure out what I should use for people to send money over for commissions. I've heard the horrors of PayPal and how terrible it can be, but so far I've found none that satisfy me. I might just have to give in and HOPE to god PayPal doesn't take my money for reasons they won't tell me.

I've been hard on myself this whole year for reasons I can't discuss. My friends became my enemies, my enemies became my friends, and I wait till the day comes when I can finally put thing that started this to rest. Though it will probably never happen. I've experienced bitterness, betrayal, relief, anxiety, learned to live and learn (like SA2) and to not make assumptions without proof. My brain is still developing, I just need to remember that it's not the end of the world.

Still, if that day ever comes and things turn out fine, I will be very happy.

I apologies for the scare, and try not to let it trend.

Also I need to buy Sonic Frontiers. I'm so proud of them...

I’m just writing to get my thoughts out and stop thinking about them because they aren’t exactly healthy.

Basically, I think I’ve failed at life. Or at least my early development. Going to school, I never applied for any clubs or academics because I didn’t care nor did I understand the point. It just sounded like unnecessary work to me. Now I know what academics are and now I find myself useless. I didn’t understand a lot of things. What they meant, how’d they affect me, because I didn’t care. But now I do care, because I realize how stupid I really am. I blame my ADHD on pretty much every negative aspect about myself, because it’s the reason why I’ve always been behind other people in terms of development. It takes me longer to learn things, develop new skills and such. It’s affected my future more than I thought, and I don’t think I should be here anymore. I’m a waste of space, a waste of human life. I have nothing to offer this world in terms of a useful job that can benefit me and others. PayPal will take money out of my account if I “break” their dumbass rules which don’t help me whatsoever. So, I’m just here, trying to survive for another for whatever reason. I rather just stop existing.

EDIT 11-15-2022

I see I’m still getting notifications on this post despite making another post saying I’m fine. The truth is I have terrible mood swings that start around 11 am, because that’s when I usually get productive, but that hasn’t been happening much recently which makes me rather depressed. Not having any real goals anymore has had me in a slump. The same day I made this post, I have lowered my medication dosage too, so now it’s become a fight between staying motivated vs overthinking.

This overall has ranged from terrible to mediocre. With friends becoming enemies and enemies becoming friends. Also, of those enemies to friends I made was the reason for a lot of what happened during the beginning of the year, but at this point I can’t get mad at them. Sadly a lot of that anger has been pointed to someone else who didn’t do anything wrong. Which is sad because they are very skilled have shown a lot of success this year, much of which I couldn’t enjoy.

It’s sad when you can’t enjoy someone’s work anymore because of what happened between the two of you. I do hope to talk to them again, just so I can let go of that anger, because deep down I really don’t want to be angry with them. Though it’s probably not gonna happen, and it probably won’t end well anyway.

Sorry for being vague about that part, I can’t really go into details.

Success just hasn’t been on my side this year, so at this point I’m just waiting for the year to end to start a new. I know I’m wasting valuable time in my life right now, but that’s just how I feel. I want to let everything that happened this year go and die in a fire to never return.

It's been...awhile hasn't it? Yeah I'm not gonna beat around the bush, this place has just been sitting here. However, I'm sure you're aware of recent events involving Twitter, with Elon Musk under estimating how to run a website. As of the time I'm writing this, Newgrounds has been trending due to people prepping to abandon ship and find new places to be.

I've seen people talking how much Elon has FUCKED up, both on Twitter and Tumblr. So, I guess it was good I started an account here already hehe...

Sadly, my limited brain can barely comprehend until I get involved in the discussion. Even now I'm not sure if Twitter will sink into the abyss or be a shell of it's former self. At least something good will come out of it for me if it does die. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

So this begs the question, should I move here? Probably, though it might be...lonesome. One of my special interests (ASTRO BOY) isn't exactly great for a place like this because...nobody cares about AB, so I can keep Tumblr for that stuff. With that said, I'm gonna have to learn how this place works. So I'm gonna be stumbling around all confused asking dumb questions YAY!

As for how life has been, I've definitely improved a lot. While I still hold some bitterness inside me, I'm definitely more happy. I'm trying to change things, even if they are tiny. Art has been lacking lately, but I've improved my music skills on FL Studio. So maybe I'll post more demo-ish material! I know I won't get everything right, but I hope this place is great for me.

This could be the start of a new beginning!

Oh man, I cannot tell you how CRAZY things have gotten.

First off, I am no longer mentally ill, and It literally took petty drama for that to wash away.

My access to Adobe reached it's limit but I got both Photoshop and Animate replaced with PERMANENT copies, and saved my brushes I think. so that okay. I turned 22 yesterday! Despite everything being a step down from last year, I have never felt more happy to be alive! I'm actually looking forward to the future now more than ever! Even if it doesn't include the Violet mod.

I won't get into the drama, because 1: it's stupid. 2: It really doesn't matter. And 3: I've been doing better things with my time. So yeah! I'm my old joyful self again and it feels great!

Not so much a blog this time, more so an update on how things are going.

Art has still been lack luster though. More like I'm trying to get it done than actually enjoying it. Other than that, things are...slowly improving...

While not 100% on this, I think it's been the first time in awhile where I feel like I have plenty of stuff. That's good.

I still get a bit moody in the middle of the day, but the fact that I'm getting idea's at all is a positive.

My plans right now are simple. Get the improved Greater Good song out, and then the rest. The Greater Good was a song I made for Updike before Remorse was a thing. It sucks I can't exactly pin point when Remorse came out due to lack of documentation of mod releases and their updates. Yes, I know Gamebanana shows the dates for updates, but when all we have is the MOST LIKELY INACCURATE Fandom Wiki and it says v6.9.0 when the updates NEVER SHOW THAT NUMBER, there's gonna be a problem. Also the OG Whitty mod was taken down (IN JULY 2021) and put back up (ON FEBRUARY 1st ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY) as LEGACY, so those records from the original mod page are likely lost to time....FUCK.

The whole mods not dating their shit should be it's own discussion though...

Basically, the Greater Good song came out a fews before Remorse. A lot of people really loved the song, with someone even uploading it to SoundCloud. I don't use SoundCloud so I don't care if my stuff gets on there, just as long as it's credited.

Over time, I found the song to be rather...shitty. Mostly because of Updike's. I imagined him with Todd Haberkorn's voice and used a sound clip from OURAN HIGH SCHOOL HOST CLUB I SHIT YOU NOT. This was before Updike's deep voice, so this aged as well as MILK. Once I got around to releasing the instrumental, I said something about redoing the vocals since I just learned how to do them with FL Studio.

I completely forgot about it, until recently when someone asked "when is the revocal coming out?"

Now here I am, redoing the vocals and wondering what the new artwork should be.

But that's it for now...

I still have my Ballistic Remix to release, and my birthday is coming up as well. The 18th! Just 10 days after FNAF was released!

See you guys later...